FJMC

Hearing Men's Voices

Robert E. Braitman, M.D.

It seems that every time I pick up a newspaper I read about a “community” defined in some new fashion by religious, gender, sexual preference, geography, socioeconomic group or family profile. Each of these communities has its own sets of special interests, its own agenda and unique needs. Yet with all of these groups, we often don’t read about identifying a community of men or indeed of Jewish men. What are our special interests, our unique needs, our challenges?

For the past thousand years, Jews did not have to strain to hear men’s voices. With few exceptions, it was the men’s voices that were heard reading and interpreting the law, writing the prayers and singing the psalms, chanting loudly and praying silently in the synagogue. The workplace was a man’s domain.

This is no longer the case. Not in our everyday secular lives, and for many of us not in our synagogues. After an extended period of thoughtful study and meditation in the conservative movement, all the voices in our community are being heard in the melodious, if not always harmonious egalitarian choir. For some men, the inclusion of their wives, mothers, daughters and friends had been a liberating experience, enabling them to share with pride the most uplifting elements in our tradition. For others, change has been difficult, seen as a dramatic break with traditional ways.

Much of the gender liberation agenda has been focused on the secular world. The Women’s Movement has succeeded in placing issues of equality in the workplace-and in our world in general-into the forefront of our consciousness. At the same time, secular men’s groups have also been springing up around the country. Many articles and books have been published describing men who attend retreats in the woods using drums and ceremony as vehicles to better understand their relationship to others.

What are we to make of all of this and how are we to respond in ways that demonstrate the relevance and worthiness of our own Jewish Men’s Club movement? The writings of Robert Bly and others are, of course rooted in the secular world. Is there a way to re-focus these issues in a Jewish context?

Picture this:

A group of men, standing in a circle. Their arms linked, shoulder to shoulder. They are singing: “Hiney Ma Tov U’Mah Naim, Shevat Achim Gam Yachad”-“See how good it is when brothers are together.”

The voices quiver, some are weeping.

What was it that evoked such spontaneous camaraderie, emotion and trust?

It was the end of a session on fathers and sons that Rabbi Seymour Rosenbloom led at a recent convention of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs. It was the culmination of a remarkable morning during which we focused on the challenges of being a Jewish man today.

The Federation of Jewish Men's Clubs was delighted then to bring to the leaders and members of Men’s Clubs and Brotherhoods in North America its newest initiative: HEARING MEN’S VOICES. With its debut at the 1997 Biennial Convention these materials have provided the basis for programs and activities by revitalized men’s clubs across North America.

“Our Fathers, Ourselves” was the first focal point. It dealt with the core relationship with the one person who has provided most of us our first inkling of what a man should be. It is often a conflicted relationship. Exploring it will reveal where our concept of manhood comes from and what emotional needs it fulfills. “Lonely for my father”, begins a Robert Bly poem. Why are we lonely? What do we want from him? What do we need from him? What do our sons and daughters need from us? What do we have to teach our sons about being men?

These publications provide an excellent guide towards programmatic events in your own Men’s Clubs and communities. I believe that this type of programming will provide a refocused mission that will enhance men’s roles in the synagogue and liberate men to be themselves.

Since the introduction of Hearing Men's Voices nearly ten years ago, several other volumes of programs have been added to the series. These include directed discussions of such vital areas such as our relationships to friends and lovers, the place of work in our lives, listening to God’s voice, men’s health and the complex issue of intermarriage in our families and our communities.